"There is no sympathy in poker. Always keep cool. If you lose your head you will lose all your chips." More Pearls Of Wisdom >
PokerJolt RSSPokerJolt on Twitter
Poker Pervert Blog

Kristen Stewart: Twilight grump turns me off

Twilight star Kristen Stewart is the only woman in the world our poker pervert would turn down...

by Poker Pervert PokerJolt August, 30th 2010
Overall: 5
Bookmark and Share
Twilight star Kristen Stewart is a miserable teenage grump

Above: Twilight star Kristen Stewart is a miserable teenage grump

Ironically, amid all Kristen Stewart's panic about not being dead, her acting almost killed me.

Being a poker pervert doesn't mean I only think about women who play poker.

I'm much more perverted than that.

Fat ones, thin ones, tall ones, short ones, hell even hairy French ones. If it's female, legal and has a pulse, I'm pot committed.

With one exception: Kristen Stewart, that miserable teenage hag from the Twilight films.

What the HELL is all that about?

To summarise the movies...

She's just sprouted her cahoonas and is in a massively bad mood because she has to go live with her dad in a town called 'Forks' (yes, really, stick with it...).

Then she's in a massive mood because she can't find a boyfriend.

Then she finds a chap who she really likes...oh, hang on, no, he's dead.

She rapidly gets even more grumpy because she's NOT also dead and he won't kill her with his plastic teeth.

Ironically, amid all this panic about her 'not being dead', her acting almost killed me.

This endless teenage angst crap, never looking anyone in the eye and mumbling under her breath about 'destiny' and 'being together'.

Then I saw the real-life Miss Stewart on TV at a film premiere and realised she wasn't in character in Twilight. She actually is THAT miserable and full of mumbling teenage claptrap.

Well, Kristen, congratulations.

You're the first two-legged woman in history I would willingly turn down.

I hope you're proud of yourself.

 

SHARE: Bookmark and Share

Leave a comment

Note: Comments usually appear quickly, but are moderated.

Poker Pervert

Poker Pervert Me The Poker Pervert and me love you long time. If you ever think about sex when you should be concentrating on pot odds, you're gonna love this blog. When I see a pair of queens in position, well, just sit back and watch me move my nuts all-in. And yes, the puns get a lot worse...
She's Ace

Poker Girls

Click to see gallery
Click to see gallery

Melanie Iglesias

Age: 29

Born: Brooklyn, New York

Lives: Manhattan, New York

Nickname: Goofball

See All Girls
6.81 Overall

Place your bets!

Exclusive Offers

PokerStars.com

PokerStars.com

Special sign-up bonus for new online poker players

Take Me There
StanJames.com

StanJames.com

Special sign-up bonus for new online poker players

Take Me There
MansionPoker.com

MansionPoker.com

Special sign-up bonus for new online poker players

Take Me There
888.com

888.com

Special sign-up bonus for new online poker players

Take Me There
BetFair.com

BetFair.com

Special sign-up bonus for new online poker players

Take Me There
PKR.com

PKR.com

Special sign-up bonus for new online poker players

Take Me There
BlueSq.com

BlueSq.com

Special sign-up bonus for new online poker players

Take Me There
WilliamHill.com

WilliamHill.com

Special sign-up bonus for new online poker players

Take Me There
EverestPoker.com

EverestPoker.com

Special sign-up bonus for new online poker players

Take Me There

SEE ALL OFFERS